Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Hell Reconsidered (or How I Learn to Stop Worrying and Love Gift Registry Shopping)

Most any guy will tell you that shopping, outside of electronics or power tools, is a hell akin to that scene in Total Recall in which Arnold is pulling out the tracking device that had been placed deep in his sinus passage. Particularly if you are registered at a place like Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

That was my thought prior to actually going to BB&B for shopping for items on the registry. First off, they got knives. If anything can get a guy into a kitchen, it is the opportunity to lose a fingertip and a couple of pints of blood trying out their Benihana routines. Looking at the really quality knives just made me happy and wonder how we could put one of those island rangetops in our condo.

What has me looking forward to going back (seeing as how we only made it through half of the first floor before I had to run home to watch the finale of Heroes [note to self: add TiVo to the registry]) even though we have already covered the sharp, pointy objects, is the little gizmo they give you to scan the items onto your online gift registry. Let me tell you, nothing can get a guy into the shopping mood faster than a hand-held electronic doo-dad with a laser that goes "bleep". Without a time limit, Tricia might need some help prying it out of my fingers.

"A twelve-armed scented votive candle chandelier? Why not?"