Returning to the Soapbox

Friends, as you know, our schools face a myriad of challenges that distract from the learning environment. Now yet another threat has imposed itself on the scene: burritos. Yes, burritos, especially ones large enough to be mistaken for weapons.

Later reports have stated that the suspicious item was consumed destroyed on site.

In truth, burritos, and other bean-intensive foods, have been a problem for years. There is only one thing more disruptive to classroom order than a loud ripper released during a lecture, and that is the wiff of a Silent-but-Deadly permeating the atmosphere. I urge school officials nationwide to ban the use or carrying of any type of bean on campus.

Thank you for your time.