Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Those Evil Bastards

I think that we can all agree that spammers are the scum of the earth. Some people might say that that would rate them right next to lawyers, but I can at least acknowledge that lawyers are useful when he's on your side.

In conducting my regular purge of my inboxes, I went looking for the "Unsubscribe" link. I found it, right above the following horror:

Skin color among hill giants ranges from light tan to deep ruddy brown. Their hair is brown or black, with eyes the same color. Hill giants wear layers of crudely prepared hides with the fur left on. They seldom wash or repair their garments, preferring to simply add more hides as their old ones wear out. Adults are about 10½ feet tall and weigh about 1,100 pounds. Hill giants can live to be 200 years old. Combat Hill giants prefer to fight from high, rocky outcroppings, where they can pelt opponents with rocks and boulders while limiting the risk to themselves. Hill giants love to make overrun attacks against smaller creatures when they first join battle. Thereafter, they stand fast and swing away with their massive clubs. Rock Throwing (Ex) The range increment is 120 feet for a hill giant’s thrown rocks. Hill Giants As Characters Reckless brutes of incredible strength but little wit, hill giant characters are never truly accepted into society. Yet they do well on its edges and frontiers, forging a strong and profitable existence. Despite their rugged appearance and great size, their basically humanoid shape makes it easy for them to relate with more civilized folk. Hill giant characters possess the following racial traits. +14 Strength, -2 Dexterity, +8 Constitution, -4 Intelligence, -4 Charisma. Large size. -1 penalty to Armor Class, -1 penalty on attack rolls, -4 penalty on Hide checks, +4 bonus on grapple checks, lifting and carrying limits double those of Medium characters. Space/Reach: 10 feet/10 feet.

For those who don't recognize this unholy code, it is a monster description and game mechanics for a Hill Giant in the Dungeons and Dragons system. I have my own opinions regarding the AD&D/D20 system. But to insert such heinousness in a spam message? That is just adding insult to injury. For that, I will not take your damn cola survey.

Not that I would have anyway.

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