If you are reading this one your birthday, dear Mother, please remember two things:
1. Love always
2. You are in Las Vegas. Stop reading this and get on with Tom Jones and the nickel slots, for crissakes. They are the nickel slots, right? I heard that the coins get smaller as the player gets older. Now that you are 60, you should have a machine reserved with those little handy-wipes to get rid of the nickel crud.
Just a reminder, I'll still be visiting this weekend, so you don't have to come all the way to Irvine to kick my ass.