Monday, March 28, 2005

Yet Another Thing to be Rescued From

(Start with saturday morning serial organ music, cue over earnest announcer)

The evil geniuses at Burger King, not satisfied with their fiendish Whopper plot, have launched yet another assault upon the areteries of an unsuspecting American public. Breakfast is no longer safe thanks to the Enormous Omelet Sandwich. With more calories and fat than even the Whopper, Joe Consumer does not stand a chance. Who will step forward and protect the health of the uneducated consumer?

Thank goodness! It is Nutritionist, who will save us all by stating the obvious:

"Americans do not need an Enormous Omelet Sandwich," said Penny Kris-Etherton, a professor of nutrition at Penn State, who noted the sandwich's contents were high in fat and salt and the meal lacked fruit and fiber. "That's too many calories."

And once again the American Consumer is saved from the evil conspiracy of Burger King and Themselves. Tune in whenever for another thrilling tale of You're Obviously Too Stupid to Take Care of Yourselves.

(Fade to black)

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